I know there are little things that are affecting me, and I am not doing what I need to do to make things right in my life. I am hanging on to them instead of letting them go...hanging on to that which I have no control over instead of rising above it and moving forward.
It is 5 am, a lone bird is sounding the impending dawn. I am weary and alone. In a few hours we will be busy busy, with no time to stop. Lists of things to get done. And the back burner will carry on.
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Things build up in our consciousness. But it can happen unconsciously, or so
slightly consciously that we hardly notice.
We put things on the back burner, little hurts and insults that we convince
ourselves that we can just ignore.
But They don't call it the back burner for nothing. There's a fire going on in
there. But it doesn't really have enough oxygen or heat to erupt into leaping
flames, just enough going on to foul the atmosphere.
And so, if we don't actually explode, we gradually slip into what finally
emerges as a bad mood or some level of depression at all the things we have
done nothing about.
And doing nothing about doesn't mean we didn't confront someone or make
things right. The doing nothing is within. We didn't process it. We didn't do our
What we were doing was suppressing the energy, the thought, denying the
experience, and so, having a life of its own, it grew to its full and natural
maturity and took its toll on our psyche, our emotions, our mood.
So, it becomes time to let all the demons and gremlins into our consciousness
fully, let the committee convene, have its hearings, condemn us for all our
If we listen patiently to the painful things they have to say to us they will work
off all their energy and we will be in a softer, gentler place, the place of our
own forgiveness of ourselves.
That is, we will get there as long as we don't try to answer the charges.
The natural healing process will take care of everything. It may be a painful
process. But here's that old case of no pain, no gain.
It seems these things just have their way of building up. But the good news is
that it is our own resistance that is causing the pain. It's our very own blocking
that causes the buildup.
Let go, stop resisting, and out it flows.
Copyright © 2006 by John MacEnulty
3/12/06, St. Louis, MO