lightheart_7 (lightheart_7) wrote,

More knee surgery

This is probably the umteenth "knee surgery" post I have written. This one is the "ultimate knee surgery" post. I am scheduled to have knee replacement surgery on December 9th.

I am very nervous about it, and in the strange way that fate can thumb its nose at people, I have been more capable of walking etc. since I made the decision to have the surgery. I even ran all around the sailboat last week, thinking I would have to have a date with the 'ice machine' that evening, but I was fine. The swelling is down, the pain is almost non-existant, and I find myself second guessing the surgery decision. At the same time, I am counting up the number of hours I have in the bank so that I can take maximun time off from work.

In another strange twist, the surgery date is my friend Pattie's birthday. I know I will be thinking of her and hope she is watching over me that day. I know that S will be there, being a strong shoulder for me. I will need it, as the fear of this surgery is clouding my emotions.

I spend a lot of time reading about this surgery, reading about options, thinking about how my life will change post-surgery. I will be able to walk again, hike again, ride a bike again, exercise again, so many things. But I also know that the recovery is a long one. It took 9 months to be 'normal' after the ACL reconstruction, and for the knee replacement  I am reading that in a year I will be 'glad I did it'. It is hard to see that right now, because I am not feeling any sense of acute suffering. But I WAS...I had gotten to the point where my life was totally ruled by how my knee was doing every day. I had a constant limp, and my hip started to ache from it. Every time I rolled over in my sleep it woke me up.

Now, the spot of athlete's foot on the bottom of my foot bothers me more than my knee. The anxiety about this surgery wakes me up at night. This may be a result of the combination of reduced activity, cortisone shots, accupuncture, and relief that I am going to get it taken care of. But it is still disconcerting. AND the minute I think about postponing the surgery, I fear the pain, swelling, and inability to get through a day without pain will come right back. Ack.

I will keep you all posted.

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