I am working very hard to 'feel' balance in my life, and not succeeding very well. This is more than the usual "not enough hours in the day" kind of unbalance, it seems more like I am missing something so vital and important that it is affecting how I view the world. And I can't quite figure out what this vital and important piece IS.
I know that sounds a bit cryptic, but not really knowing what the imbalance is makes it difficult to define.
We have incredibly long days, starting at 5:30 am, and we don't get home most days until after 7 pm. There is very little down time, and there are projects filling up the week-ends. Add to that mix the usual daily stuff of cooking, laundry and sleeping, and it is little wonder that the garage is still full of unpacked boxes.
Of course part of this is that there has been such an incredible amount of change in my life over the past year. I am craving something solid. I want to know which cabinet the soup is in. Really. I'd like to know where my doctor is, and have a hairdresser that I trust. I want to get home from work and plop down on the sofa, and not feel that I am neglecting 10 things. I want to feel like there is time for connection with S without loss of sleep.
So, the past few days I have felt 'unsettled', kind of vaguely anxious. A bit overwhelmed by the "to do" list. I miss...something I can't quite put my mind around.
Today, on my way to work up a lovely highway on the edge of the hills with a view over the southern valley and south bay, I saw a rainbow in the distance. For one moment, I really drank in that beauty and felt at peace. Maybe what I am searching for is more of those moments.