I had a wave of depression on Sunday. Fortunately, it lasted only briefly, a few hours, but it was one of the deepest despairs I have ever felt. I, again, did not know "why" I felt that way, I could not point to an event that caused the feelings. It seemed that all of my interactions that afternoon reinforced my state of feeling minimalized. Several people communicated with S about things I felt should have been communicated to me directly. It felt weird. As I sat in the maelstrom of my emotions, I sincerely wondered if I have a space of my own or am I now an extension of him. I was SO unable to process anything cogently.
As the depression lifted, I had a sense that something outside of myself had passed through me, in the spiritual sense. Not as much a shift in the universe, but, back to the opening up process, I had been made available for the energies of the earth to use me to help clear some of the crap. Not MY crap, but universal crap...
I really wanted to be angry at him for "putting me in that position", but it would have been misplaced anger. I am more annoyed by the process of discovering the spiritual jobs I have to do here than the agent of how I get there.
He had an image of a doorway that I am standing in front of, and he is both on the side where I am and also on the other side of the door. When he described this image to me, it resonated. I realize this morning that I am still on one side of the door, and I am not sure really how to step across that threshold. It would seemingly be easy, take a step. BUT there is more to the process. I feel some fear about it.
Once, many years ago, I had a "visitation". I was told of some things to expect and that I would have some things happen to me, at the time it was expressed as "crossroads". This is one of them.... and I am at a loss, I want to process this through my ego and fears, but the only way I CAN process it is through spirit.
So, I will spend more time in meditation as I allow the lesson of the doorway to become clear. I know I will soon step through to the other side, where S will be waiting for me for the next step in our journey together.