October 3rd, 2005

Smiling in Paris

Quiet time- menopause sucks

It is 2:30 am, I am awake my intestines churning from medication....

Interesting week-end, ups and downs, I wish I were better able to flow with the hormonal changes that are affecting me. One moment I am triggered and feeling out of place, the next moment all is wonderful and I feel like "me" again. On one hand I don't want to give power to these storms passing through me, on the other hand I don't realize it is a storm until I am already soaked. Not the best metaphor...but it is difficult to explain, this lack of feeling solid.

I can have an appreciation for the classic jokes about a woman being super emotional...my tears live very close to the surface and very little is needed to trigger them. S asked if I am feeling insecure...the answer is yes and no, because a part of me is very secure and safe, but the hormones tell me that I am not....an interesting see-saw if looked at objectively, which of course I am not capable of doing because I am busy fending off waves of attacks from the hormonal emotions. I think I will call my NP and talk about what more I can do to level out the hormones. Meanwhile I am grateful for his patience with me.
  • Current Mood
    okay okay