lightheart_7 (lightheart_7) wrote,

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Things are different this year.
Decreased holiday spirit. Not looking forward to any of it, and wishing it were just over.
Misunderstandings and resulting feelings of disconnection with S.
Not seeing family.(Although I did buy tickets to go see Noah etc in FL in Jan)

I went to see Dr. B on Friday. I really had trouble stopping the tears. My 'triggers' are almost automatically being tripped, and I am angry. Angry at the universe, angry at S, angry at myself. I feel like I am in a maze of hurt, misunderstanding, distance. I don't see any way out of it, but Dr. B says that I can heal, if we both work on it together. I am not sure what 'working on it together' means, either. But I made an appointment to go to another therapist for couple's counselling on next Tuesday. I hope that therapist has a map, or a plan, or something, because I am losing patience with myself and this painful emotional roller coaster. Something has to change...and I suppose that is me...

Today I plan to go do some Christmas shopping, maybe I can get into the spirit a little. Last night I bought myself a lathe and also a class to learn how to use it. Normally, I would be excited and looking forward to it...but instead its another thing on the list of things "to do" that looms incessantly.
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