Decreased holiday spirit. Not looking forward to any of it, and wishing it were just over.
Misunderstandings and resulting feelings of disconnection with S.
Not seeing family.(Although I did buy tickets to go see Noah etc in FL in Jan)
I went to see Dr. B on Friday. I really had trouble stopping the tears. My 'triggers' are almost automatically being tripped, and I am angry. Angry at the universe, angry at S, angry at myself. I feel like I am in a maze of hurt, misunderstanding, distance. I don't see any way out of it, but Dr. B says that I can heal, if we both work on it together. I am not sure what 'working on it together' means, either. But I made an appointment to go to another therapist for couple's counselling on next Tuesday. I hope that therapist has a map, or a plan, or something, because I am losing patience with myself and this painful emotional roller coaster. Something has to change...and I suppose that is me...
Today I plan to go do some Christmas shopping, maybe I can get into the spirit a little. Last night I bought myself a lathe and also a class to learn how to use it. Normally, I would be excited and looking forward to it...but instead its another thing on the list of things "to do" that looms incessantly.